The Art of Articulation

In years past I've had problems with dizziness and slight disorientation. A head fog of sorts. I think I might have explained this a little in a previous post, but sometimes I feel like I can't think straight. Yesterday seemed to be a good day overall. I woke up with a rash, but that's almost normal now. I was able to make 6 trays of baby food, sitting down of course, and I felt like I had decent energy. I didn't over do it by any means.

I woke up with a horrible headache overnight. Bad enough to bring the tears. I woke up this morning and just felt dizzy and off. I was upstairs helping my mom fold and put away some laundry when I started feeling dizzier. Mark was working in our bedroom (rearranging everything so I no longer have an obstacle course to run through) and the strangest thing just started to happen. I stood in the doorway of the bathroom and Mark got me a chair to sit on. I went numb. Completely numb. I stared off into the abyss. There was no talking. There was no thinking. There was nothing. I felt paralyzed. Mark is trying to talk to me and I'm not responding. It felt like a pulsating sensation in my brain. I felt like I was trembling. It was almost like no one was home upstairs. I don't remember him talking to me. I can't really remember much of anything. The memory loss is severe at this point. I can't hold a normal conversation. Speaking is almost my enemy. 

Thankfully I did have a doctors appointment with my primary doctor this afternoon and Mark was able to go with me. It's a good thing too, because I could barely talk. I had the hardest time explaining what had happened. It got to the point where I just teared up and said I don't know. He seemed genuinely concerned. Unfortunately, we're at a crossroads. There's nothing more he can do until I can see the rheumatologist on the 19th. It looked like he felt helpless. He talked a lot about Lupus today and I definitely feel like this is the direction we're heading towards. Not sure if I had a seizure or not but he has ordered a CT scan of my head, ordered some new blood work, and a urinalysis because I'm pretty sure I have an infection. I'm going to finish the prednisone, and start on Cymbalta to see if it can take any edge off. The numbness continued for a couple more hours and it seemed to get a little better. I'm now starting to feel numb and foggy again. This headache is insane. 

Hopefully the next update will be a little more refreshing than this one. I'm not writing these blogs for pity. I'm really not. I write these blogs to keep so I can remember when I go to the doctor, or maybe someone out there can see that they aren't alone either. I don't want anyone to pity me. I know everyone is trying their hardest to help me and I can't explain how much I appreciate it. Sometimes I feel like everyone expects me to just be okay. I'll get better. I'm not okay right now though. I'm in new territory and I'll admit that I'm not handling it very well. I realize I'll hopefully feel a lot better once we can get this under control but how much longer will that be. What else is going to happen to me before that happens. I want to be present for my kids. Stay strong for them, but I can't think or even talk right. They don't understand what's going on with mommy. They don't understand how I am sick everyday. It's just not easy.  So please stay strong with me!

XOXO

Mel